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What to do when someone dies
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 Posted: Tue Apr 19th, 2011 04:59 PM
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Legion489
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This may not be what you are looking for for this section, but here goes:

What to do when someone dies -

Go see the family of who died. It shows you care.

Bring food/money to help out, they have enough trouble without cooking, needing to go to the bank and worrying about expenses. A book of stamps is always useful too.

Ask if they need help, a ride somewhere, gas for the car, shoes shined, clothes taken to the dry cleaner, etc. Offer to mow the lawn, pick up mail, etc.

If you call and ask if they need anything and they say the loved one died with out insurance, they need money! Asking "Is there anything I can do? Is there anything you need?" DOES NOT mean "as long as it doesn't involve time, effort or money", it means "I am here for you and want to help". If you DON'T care and DON'T want to help, DON'T ask! Asking and then saying, "gee, I really don't care", is NOT a help!

Do NOT say "So and so was a wonderful person, BUT...." and then trash them. This should be a legal defense when beating some scum to a pulp. At least that is the defense I'm using when I go to court.

After the first few days, they STILL need help/calls/friends. Sure you called the second you heard, the phone rang constantly for two days and then STOPPED, completely. The living STILL need help, to know you care, a shoulder to cry on.

If you call, DON'T hog the conversation! Don't say "How are you?" and then start babbling and keep babbling for 45 minutes and then say "Got to go! I'm glad we got to talk!" when the ONLY person who said a word was YOU! Say "How are you?" and then SHUT THE F--K UP and let them talk/cry for awhile! They need the release.

If there is a "memorial" at a "church" 20 miles away from where they went, at a bar and they never drank, or put on by people who hated the person who died, ASK the family what is going on! It might be the ex-wife or other scum looking to make a buck off the death of their loved one and the family will NOT appreciate your going, they will NOT get any money to help with the burial and it will NOT honor the dead.

Remember, be kind to the sick, the grieving and the dieing. Sooner or later you will be one or all of these.






 Posted: Wed Apr 20th, 2011 12:54 PM
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woodsman777



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Legion ,

these are some of life's hard lessons and not easy to approach with some folks

thanks for posting this, its good pratical advise that we may not always think of .



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 Posted: Wed Apr 20th, 2011 02:09 PM
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daboone
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Legion489, sound like you may have some very personal experiences. If true I can empathize with you loss because of members of my family. One thing I've learned that you NEVER become prepared for this kind of loss. In fact each one you live through come back to compound the next. Death of those we love is never easy.

There is one action that can comfort those left behind. Sit down with those you love BEFORE death is looking you in the face. Have a honest soul searching discussion about how each of you want to handle the end of life experience. Be specific. Cover topics like accidents, cancer, illness. What they want done before and after. Knowing what is expected and important to your loved one will help remove doubts and guilt. It will allow you to grieve without wondering what should have, could have been done.

The problem with this approach is that everyone avoids getting serious about it and having the "talk".



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 Posted: Wed Apr 20th, 2011 10:04 PM
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Legion489
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Daboone, you are 100% right.

GET a will. Write down EVERYTHING you want to go to whomever, down to the smallest item. No item is too small or worthless for some jackwagon to fight over and cause trouble for everyone else. Make sure everyone has a copy of who gets what.

Write down what you want done at your funneral, down to the last detail. Who, what, why, when, where, how. Is there someone you do NOT want there? WRITE IT DOWN! Flowers/no flowers? WRITE IT DOWN! Buried in 48 hours (called an Isrealite burial) and wrapped in a sheet? WRITE IT DOWN! View the body or not? WRITE IT DOWN! Memorial or not? WRITE IT DOWN! Songs/no songs? WRITE IT DOWN! Leave NOTHING to chance/others! The vultures will be circling and your loved ones don't need more pain to deal with.

Get it PAID FOR BEFORE YOU DIE! Your loved ones have enough trouble with out coming up with $7000 to get you in the ground while dealing with your death. WRITE DOWN and then TELL EVERYONE where you are to be buried, what funeral home to handle it, etc. One less thing to cause pain for your loved ones.

If you have insurance, LIST it all out!! WHAT company, WHERE the policy is, HOW much it is for, WHO it goes to! Nothing worse than hearing "Don't worry, I have this policy and that policy and that will cover it." and no one knowing who to contact and where it is and getting nothing.

ALWAYS tell people you love you love them. The last time you see them might be the LAST time you see them!

Forgive everyone, not for their sake, for yours. If they die and you still hate them, it doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. If you die first, and you forgave them, maybe they will forgive the next person. Either way, it is for YOUR own good to forgive. You may never forget what they did to you, but always forgive.

Pray that God has mercy on your soul.



 Posted: Wed Apr 20th, 2011 11:32 PM
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We have buried all our parents, most aunts/uncles, and many friends. Guess our turn will be coming along one of these days. Something that happens during most sad times is a kind of stupor or stepping back from consciousness. Acts of kindness mean so much more than words(they are important also). Just sitting or being there for a short time means so much. One does not have to "wax eloquent" but just be there.



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 Posted: Thu Apr 21st, 2011 12:52 AM
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ghrit



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Legion489 wroteWrite down EVERYTHING you want to go to whomever, down to the smallest item. No item is too small or worthless for some jackwagon to fight over and cause trouble for everyone else.
Write down what you want done at your funneral, down to the last detail.
Look in my files for "instructions to executor" and find exactly that.  Good idea.



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 Posted: Sat Apr 23rd, 2011 06:14 PM
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jjb2
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good post because NO ONE gets out alive.........     been three years since i found my youngest dead in his bed and we are still trying get rid of his stuff without getting robbed..........            

 

   LIFE IS SHORT...



 Posted: Fri Sep 27th, 2013 03:21 PM
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RGB Sierra
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All good posts and advice. One more thing I have noticed with friends that have lost family. Get them out of the house! Take them out shooting, fishing or something you know they like. Makes a big difference and really shows you care. I am the last of my family at my age. Everyone my age or older is gone. Teach your kids. Most of them really don't know what to do.



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