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In the Beginning.
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 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 02:26 PM
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swampratt
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In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super-size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs



 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 03:27 PM
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Mortis
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:roflmao:



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 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 04:23 PM
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olyeller
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Good one Swamp:thumbs::thumbs:



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 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 05:14 PM
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daboone
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I hope Santa brings me a new keyboard. This one now is covered with Christmas fudge.



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 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 06:27 PM
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Charley



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The eternal struggle.



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"The fact that guns can kill another human being is the whole point. That's why they are so darn good at deterring violent criminals". Ann Coulter


 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 08:03 PM
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Paul B
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"And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger."

In case anyone hasn't looked lately, they've been $1.49 plus tax for some time now. :sad:
Paul B.



 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 09:22 PM
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swampratt
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And then God raised the price of the 99 cent double cheesburger to $1.49+ tax to deter you from buying it.
:)



 Posted: Fri Dec 23rd, 2016 11:02 PM
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Big Joe
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Hmm, I'm on the other side of the same metro-plex as swamp and we still have them on the $1 menu, go figure... I must be closer to the bad lands LOL....



 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 12:12 AM
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swampratt
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I do like those burgers.. but I usually get the 2 burger value meal.
next day I have the runs a little though.. pay penance I suppose



 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 02:03 AM
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Rockydog



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Great joke, Couldn't figure out where the punchline was going. That's the best kind. LOL

BTW MacDonalds is facing a class action law suit right now because the 2 Cheese Burger Value meal was priced higher than 2 Cheeseburgers, fries and a drink ordered separately. Somebody decided to make them pay! RD

http://www.newsmax.com/TheWire/mcdonalds-value-meal-lawsuit-cost/2016/12/21/id/765106/



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 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 02:48 AM
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Charley



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In and Out Burger opened here about a year ago. Beats McDonalds hands down. Best fast food burgers I've ever eaten.



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 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 03:11 AM
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golong
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swampratt wrote:
And then God raised the price of the 99 cent double cheesburger to $1.49+ tax to deter you from buying it.
:)


...and Satan put forth the $1 for any size soft drink to compensate.



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 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 02:04 PM
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olyeller
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Charley wrote: In and Out Burger opened here about a year ago. Beats McDonalds hands down. Best fast food burgers I've ever eaten.

You do know why they are named "In and Out" and considered fast food don't you?
Better eat them with your legs crossed..........:lol:



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He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.
He who knows not and knows he knows not is wise.


 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 02:22 PM
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nueces
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Very very funny. Satan assuredly invented the computer and screen as well.



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 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 03:34 PM
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Paul B
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nueces wrote:
Very very funny. Satan assuredly invented the computer and screen as well.

I think you might be right. :sofa:
Paul B.



 Posted: Sat Dec 24th, 2016 10:40 PM
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STIHL
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Goodun.



 Posted: Wed Dec 28th, 2016 04:51 PM
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RGB Sierra
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swampratt wrote: And then God raised the price of the 99 cent double cheesburger to $1.49+ tax to deter you from buying it.
:)
 
Then Satan made the 2-for-$2.50 double cheese burger and deep fried chicken burger.  That's what we have here.



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 Posted: Thu Dec 29th, 2016 02:19 PM
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BEAR
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The election is over, obama is history, Trump will be whatever trump will be.

BUT WE REALLY NEED MORE JOKES IN THIS LIFE.

Thanks, and keep them coming.



 Posted: Thu Dec 29th, 2016 04:33 PM
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Paul B
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Dunno if this is a joke or a sad commentary on the people in this country. :confused: Seems the gallup poll on the most admired man and woman of 2016 are Barak Hussein Obama and Hillary Clinton. :shocked: Seems BHO has won that honor 9 times in a row, surpassed only by Dwight D. Eisenhower who won the honor 12 times. Hillary on the other hand has won it 21 time. WTF? :confused: Are we the people that (expletive deleted) stupid? :sad: Or is the Gallup poll that dishonest?
Paul B.



 Posted: Thu Dec 29th, 2016 04:48 PM
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Dennis Keith
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has to be dishonesty. There is no other explanation. They seem to sample only fiberals. easy to control, you simply don't sample where you won't get the answer you want. Which makes it Dishonest!



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