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marine humor
 Moderated by: woodsman777, Poacher
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 Posted: Thu Jan 5th, 2017 10:34 PM
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BW64
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Joined: Sat Jan 29th, 2011
Location: Nevada USA
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Retirement Bonus... (Marine Humor) USMC

The Marines found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer, a Colonel, who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer, a Major, who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Gunnery Sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Gunny insisted, and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Gunny to 'drop 'em,'
which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Gunny's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?''
The old Gunny calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.


One of the very first things you learn in USMC Boot Camp is that Gunnery Sergeants are close to God, and that Master Gunnery Sergeants sit at the right hand of God.

Never mess with either one of them!

Semper Fi!



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BW


 Posted: Thu Jan 5th, 2017 10:51 PM
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Plainsman
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Joined: Mon Sep 3rd, 2007
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Good lord! A ball-less Marine? That's one for Guinness... :)



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Homo sapiens, [ˈhōmō ˈsāpēənz] Noun. An advanced primate characterized by a large brain which it seldom uses.


 Posted: Fri Jan 6th, 2017 01:10 AM
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Mortis
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Joined: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007
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Plainsman wrote:
Good lord! A ball-less Marine? That's one for Guinness... :)

PM...I met one at the Navy Hospital on Pendleton back in 72. He lost his in Nam....

Last I saw him he was returning to duty as a Sergeant.

I enjoyed being a Gunny, and would have loved to have made Master Gunny. But fate said otherwise.

For those who do not know what a Master Gunny is....he is equal in rank to a Sergeant Major only he gets to play in the dirt. :thumbs:



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"I am, therefore I'll Think."- John Galt "Atlas Shrugged"

"Arguing with a Marine is like wrestling with a Pig. Everyone gets dirty, but the Pig loves it."


 Posted: Fri Jan 6th, 2017 01:53 AM
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olyeller
Master Handloader


Joined: Sun Nov 22nd, 2009
Location: Just West Of Bruzdenbleedin, Texas USA
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Mortis wrote:.... I enjoyed being a Gunny, and would have loved to have made Master Gunny. But fate said otherwise......... :thumbs:
You may not be one in name or rank, but you surely are in spirit and deed...:thumbs::thumbs:



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"Wimachtendienk, Wingolauchsik, Witahemui”

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.
He who knows not and knows he knows not is wise.


 Posted: Fri Jan 6th, 2017 04:03 AM
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Rockydog



Joined: Tue Jul 26th, 2005
Location: 160 Miles SW Of The Frozen Tundra, Wisconsin USA
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Plainsman wrote:
Good lord! A ball-less Marine? That's one for Guinness... :)

It's bad enough that they're gone. Now were going to drink to it? :wink:


I know, I know, Guinness Book of records......but I had to take poke at it. RD:digging:



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Light hunting rifles; Gravity is permanent, recoil is temporary.Your Choice


 Posted: Fri Jan 6th, 2017 04:10 AM
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6th Post
Mortis
Master Handloader


Joined: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007
Location: Creek County, Oklahoma USA
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olyeller wrote:
Mortis wrote:.... I enjoyed being a Gunny, and would have loved to have made Master Gunny. But fate said otherwise......... :thumbs:
You may not be one in name or rank, but you surely are in spirit and deed...:thumbs::thumbs:


Thanks olyeller....

I did make Master Sergeant which most likely proves the chair warmers in HQMC drink way too much... :wink:

Yoah Rocky...Marines will drink to anything... :cool:



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"I am, therefore I'll Think."- John Galt "Atlas Shrugged"

"Arguing with a Marine is like wrestling with a Pig. Everyone gets dirty, but the Pig loves it."


 Posted: Fri Jan 6th, 2017 12:51 PM
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Big Joe
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Joined: Thu Jul 4th, 2013
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I thought it was they will drink to any good cause, does anyone know of a bad cause to drink to? Hell to most Marines pain is good cause for a snort.... or a glass LOL

Last edited on Fri Jan 6th, 2017 12:51 PM by Big Joe



 Posted: Fri Jan 6th, 2017 05:51 PM
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daboone
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Now I heard that it was a Chief Bos'n Mate.:razz::kissit:



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 Posted: Tue Feb 21st, 2017 10:50 PM
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DocCoffee
Junior Member


Joined: Wed Jul 27th, 2016
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This one should have a BEVERAGE WARNING....



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