The Handloaders Bench Home
Home Search search Menu menu Not logged in - Login | Register
The Handloaders Bench > Miscellaneous > Jokes > Why You Don't Mess With Grandma...

Welcome to HandloadersBench.com. You will receive a activation email with a link in it to activate your account. If you don't receive the email check your spam or junk folders. Email servers look at our email as spam. Our mission here is to provide a place for those interested in the hobby of Reloading Ammunition. We offer a series of forums where they can ask questions, share answers, and highlight successes & failures so that others can learn. If you join our site please be aware that front porch rules apply. If you wouldn't say it on your front porch with grandma, your pastor and your 12 year old niece present it doesn't belong here. The Golden Rule applies. If you can live within those guidelines, Welcome Aboard! Spammers, trolls, and flamers will not last long here, your time would be better spent looking for a board where those traits are acceptable. HB Administration

Why You Don't Mess With Grandma...
 Moderated by: woodsman777, Poacher
 New Topic   Reply   Printer Friendly 
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 02:07 AM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
1st Post
Mortis
Master Handloader


Joined: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007
Location: Creek County, Oklahoma USA
Posts: 5700
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: Anything that goes BANG!!!!!
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

Defense Attorney: Would you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I'm 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody has done that since my Adler died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then I was feeling really 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him "Take me young man, take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell no! He just yelled April Fool!! That's when I shot him.



____________________
"I am, therefore I'll Think."- John Galt "Atlas Shrugged"

"Arguing with a Marine is like wrestling with a Pig. Everyone gets dirty, but the Pig loves it."


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 05:30 AM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
2nd Post
nocturnalloader
Junior Member
 

Joined: Thu Apr 6th, 2017
Location:  
Posts: 10
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: 10ga
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

thats a good read, lets see if i can get this one right. A cop pulls over a car full of old ladys for going 42 in a 35mph zone. The driver says but the sign says 42 though, cop replies thats highway 42, he notices the passengers all seemed ghostly scared, and ask if every thing is all right? Driver replies: we just got of HIGHWAY 120:razz::razz::sofa:



 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 11:47 AM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
3rd Post
daboone
Forum Benefactor


Joined: Tue Oct 6th, 2009
Location: Kealakekua, Phoenix, SugarLand, USA
Posts: 3585
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: What day is it?
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

And then there was the 90yo who streaked the flower show.
.
.
.
.
and won the first prize for best dried arrangement.



____________________
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. Will Rogers


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 01:51 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
4th Post
olyeller
Master Handloader


Joined: Sun Nov 22nd, 2009
Location: Just West Of Bruzdenbleedin, Texas USA
Posts: 4069
Photo: [Download]
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: rifle
My favorite chambering is:: 270Win ...
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

STOPPIT!! STOP IT I SAY! YOU'RE KILLIN' ME!!



____________________
"Wimachtendienk, Wingolauchsik, Witahemui”

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.
He who knows not and knows he knows not is wise.


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 02:38 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
5th Post
golong
Full Member


Joined: Wed Dec 7th, 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 316
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: rifle
My favorite chambering is:: Any bolt action, but I get a kick out of ...
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

An old lady went to the doctor for a routine exam. The doc says everything is good. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said says, I haven’t had sex for years and I was wondering how I can get my husband to get in the mood again. The doctor smiles and says I will get you some Viagra to give him. The lady frowns and tells the doctor I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache, how am I to get him to take something like that? The doctors says Well, you can crush the Viagra up and stir it into his coffee. The old lady thanked the doctor and went on her way.

When the old lady went back to the doctor, he noticed she was sad and asked how things went. She replied, it may have ruined the rest of my life. The doctor in shock asks why, what happened, did it not work? The old lady replies, oh it worked alright. I crushed up the pill and put it in his coffee just like you said. A little while later he jumps up and rips his clothes off like a maniac and we had sex right there on the table. The doctor says well that sounds like what you wanted, so whats the problem? The old lady replies, I will never be able to show my face in McDonald’s again.



____________________

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.
-Winston Churchill


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:05 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
6th Post
daboone
Forum Benefactor


Joined: Tue Oct 6th, 2009
Location: Kealakekua, Phoenix, SugarLand, USA
Posts: 3585
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: What day is it?
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

The most popular bra size for woman over 80?
.
.
.
.
38 long



____________________
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. Will Rogers


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:15 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
7th Post
olyeller
Master Handloader


Joined: Sun Nov 22nd, 2009
Location: Just West Of Bruzdenbleedin, Texas USA
Posts: 4069
Photo: [Download]
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: rifle
My favorite chambering is:: 270Win ...
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

Damn!
Another keyboard bites the dust:rolleyes:



____________________
"Wimachtendienk, Wingolauchsik, Witahemui”

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.
He who knows not and knows he knows not is wise.


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 03:34 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
8th Post
Mortis
Master Handloader


Joined: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007
Location: Creek County, Oklahoma USA
Posts: 5700
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: Anything that goes BANG!!!!!
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

Keep'em coming gents...!!

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:



____________________
"I am, therefore I'll Think."- John Galt "Atlas Shrugged"

"Arguing with a Marine is like wrestling with a Pig. Everyone gets dirty, but the Pig loves it."


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 08:28 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
9th Post
daboone
Forum Benefactor


Joined: Tue Oct 6th, 2009
Location: Kealakekua, Phoenix, SugarLand, USA
Posts: 3585
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: What day is it?
Status: 
Offline

  back to top



____________________
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. Will Rogers


 Posted: Sat Apr 15th, 2017 09:55 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
10th Post
Mortis
Master Handloader


Joined: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007
Location: Creek County, Oklahoma USA
Posts: 5700
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: Anything that goes BANG!!!!!
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

:lol:

Attachment: Seniors texting code..jpg (Downloaded 77 times)



____________________
"I am, therefore I'll Think."- John Galt "Atlas Shrugged"

"Arguing with a Marine is like wrestling with a Pig. Everyone gets dirty, but the Pig loves it."


 Posted: Sun Apr 16th, 2017 03:59 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
11th Post
Rockydog



Joined: Tue Jul 26th, 2005
Location: 160 Miles SW Of The Frozen Tundra, Wisconsin USA
Posts: 15193
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: 8mm Mauser
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

Those older women.....

Attachment: couger.jpg (Downloaded 65 times)



____________________
“Those that beat their rifles into plow shares will plow for those who didn’t”. Jefferson

Light hunting rifles; Gravity is permanent, recoil is temporary.Your Choice


 Posted: Sun Apr 16th, 2017 04:17 PM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
12th Post
daboone
Forum Benefactor


Joined: Tue Oct 6th, 2009
Location: Kealakekua, Phoenix, SugarLand, USA
Posts: 3585
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: What day is it?
Status: 
Offline

  back to top



____________________
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. Will Rogers


 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 03:36 AM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
13th Post
7mmdrops-em



Joined: Sun Dec 23rd, 2007
Location: Fraziers Bottom, West Virginia USA
Posts: 1556
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: rifle
My favorite chambering is:: 7mm Rem Mag and .45 Colt
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

An 80 year old grandmother went to the doctor for a check up. Afterwards the doctor told her she was in good health for her age and then asked if she had any problems?
She told him that she passed gas all the time. She said I have farted 10 times in the last few minutes and I doubt you noticed because they are silent.
The Doctor writes a prescription and hands it to her. He tells her to come back in a month.
She tells the Doctor the all the pills did was make my farts very loud.
With that he wrights another prescription and hands it to her. She asks what this was for?
The Doctor tells her that her ear infections is cleared up now we are working on the sinus infection!



 Posted: Tue Apr 18th, 2017 05:09 AM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
14th Post
Mortis
Master Handloader


Joined: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007
Location: Creek County, Oklahoma USA
Posts: 5700
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: I load everything!
My favorite chambering is:: Anything that goes BANG!!!!!
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

:thumbs:



____________________
"I am, therefore I'll Think."- John Galt "Atlas Shrugged"

"Arguing with a Marine is like wrestling with a Pig. Everyone gets dirty, but the Pig loves it."


 Posted: Wed Apr 19th, 2017 12:00 AM
   PM  Quote  Reply 
15th Post
RobertMT
Master Handloader


Joined: Sat Jan 17th, 2009
Location: Columbia Falls, MT
Posts: 5726
Photo: 
Are you a handloader?: Yes
Favorite type of cartridge to load?: rifle
My favorite chambering is:: 270wsm ...
Status: 
Offline

  back to top

A Touching Story

Kind of a cool way to take a casket to the cemetery
 
A funeral procession pulled into Pressley Cemetery.
 
Several car loads of family members followed a
black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
 
A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been
a very avid fisherman." 

"Oh, he still is", remarked one of the mourners.
 
"As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the
lake as soon as we bury his wife."

Attachment: bassboat.jpg (Downloaded 27 times)



____________________
Fake news sites = sources of information, not censored by those currently in power.

MSM = sources of misinformation, approved by those currently in power.

It's only a conspiracy theory, if it's not true.

Citizens are armed, subjects aren't.


 Current time is 05:35 AM
The Handloaders Bench > Miscellaneous > Jokes > Why You Don't Mess With Grandma...
Top




UltraBB 1.17 Copyright © 2007-2008 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1834 seconds (10% database + 90% PHP). 26 queries executed.